Report: Humanity Continuing To Delude Itself As To What Constitutes ‘Middle Age’


THE LATEST research coming from an Irish research institution suggests all of humanity has tricked itself into believing that despite the average lifespan being roughly between 75-to-80 years of age, your late 30s doesn’t mark the beginning of middle age.

“That’s bollocks now, sure middle age is when you’re in your mid 50s and that,” said a 38-year-old crying into their supply of vitamin tablets which encourage bone health and boost your vitamin D.

A collective delusion, experienced on a scale in the billions, ‘middle age’ is a term humanity is hoodwinking itself into accepting with clear-eyed deception as something that is ushered in when one is well into their 40s and beyond.

“I know you’re saying 35 plus 35 equals 70, and people can pass away when they’re 70 but you’re wrong middle age is 60. Y’know, 60 plus 60 equals 120, the very middle of the average human’s lifespan,” said another person throttling the throat of researchers stating anything to the contrary.

“They say with all the healthy lifestyles these days, the gyms, the hiking and that someone in their late 30s is more like a 21-year-old,” remarked someone in their late 30s as they gorged on a deep fried carrot.

Those more accepting of the harsh facts have advised others to simply delude themselves into presuming advancements in AI medical technology will mean the average human can have their lifespan extended well into their late 100s.