Mayo Put Woman In Space Before Winning All Ireland Again


UNDER STRICT instructions to somehow replace the US flag on the surface of the moon with a ‘Mayo4Sam’ flag, Mayo woman Dr Norah Patten is set to become the first Irish person in space, several hundred years ahead of the next time Mayo will possibly win the All-Ireland.

The dire state of the Mayo men’s performance in the GAA’s flagship competition lies in stark contrast to Dr Patten’s fortunes when it comes to space flight.

“I’ve never heard of such an outlandish, random news story that would stop anyone in their tracks; Mayo thinking they’ll win the All-Ireland this year, next you’ll be saying the Moon landing was faked,” confirmed one of the few Mayo locals who feels the gravitational pull of reality.

With a seat on a Virgin Galactic flight penciled in to take off some time in 2026 and at a rate of Mach 3, Dr Patten’s exit from the Earth’s atmosphere will be the only thing quicker than Mayo bottling a big game once they catch sight of a potential victory.

Other historic milestones expected before Mayo win the All-Ireland again include the hover car, the invention of time travel and a funny episode of Mrs Brown’s Boys.

“Look congratulations and all, but wouldn’t a good Mayo woman like herself be doing more with her life if she knocked off this science hobby. If she wants a Patten on the back she could concentrate on raising a few boys back in Mayo and getting them ready for the senior panel,” queried one Mayo supporter.