‘Verbal and Psychological Abuse, Reducing Screen Time’, All The Punishments Homer Is Still Allowed To Do


FOLLOWING news Homer Simpson can no longer strangle his son Bart for being disobedient, WWN consults with local Waterford law firm Mossey & Peterson Associates for alternative punishments Homer can legally hand down.

The Naughty Step

Over the decades, Bart has committed multiple crimes. He is seen spray painting his name around Springfield before decapitating the town statue which could have got him a suspended sentence for criminal damage, but due to Bart being a child, our hands are tied. Unfortunately, the naughty step is as far as we can go here but would suggest an anti-social behaviour order be placed on the family and evicting them from Springfield.

Reducing Screen Time

In the Simpsons movie, Homer dares Bart to skateboard completely naked to Krusty Burger and back, which he does with a full-on, uncensored view of his genitals. Due to the fact Homer instigated this, we would suggest punishing Bart by reducing his screen time to one hour a day. This to kids these days is like putting them in solitary confinement – a perfect punishment. And as for Homer, a 5-10 year stretch for child abuse.


After four seasons of the show, Bart quickly graduated from prank calls to giving cigarettes to the family dog, which can be classed as animal cruelty. Unfortunately, Bart is forever 10 years old, a gift that keeps on giving to a mastermind criminal trapped in the body of a child. We would suggest grounding Bart indefinitely and putting him under house arrest. Their dog Santa’s Little Helper would be also taken by the dog pound and probably put down due to no one rescuing it in the allotted timeframe.

Verbal & Psychological Abuse

Much like teens in Ireland from disadvantaged backgrounds, Bart grows more confident with each crime he commits, especially now that corporal punishment can’t be handed down. Bart is in a grey area where the law can’t punish him and now either can his parents. We find there is no other option now but to resort to verbal and psychological abuse for the next few years until he moves out of home and ends up in the prison system. This kid is pure evil and sometimes there’s nothing you can do.

Next week: Should roadrunner be tried and sentenced to death?