Nation’s Stone Splitters Take The Day Off


UNABLE to match the sun’s natural rock fracturing, the nation’s stone splitters have decided to take the day off today, WWN has learned.

The welcome break comes as temperatures soar right across the country today with a spokessplitter confirming that there may be more day offs to come.

“Due to the lack of sun the last few months it has been balls to the wall stone splitting,” explained Chairman of the Stone Splitting Association, David Granite, “we provide a vital service to the country, because as everyone knows from the great stone splitting strike of ’89, if someone isn’t splitting the nation’s stones the country will end up overrun with the bloody things and no one wants that again, not after all those poor people suffocated from stones”.

Met Éireann forecasts a warm start to the week with sunny skies and top temperatures of 22 to 26 degrees or known in technical meteorological terms as ‘Irish back-to-school weather’.