Nation’s Stone Splitters Take The Day Off

UNABLE to match the sun’s natural rock fracturing, the nation’s stone splitters have decided to take the day off today, WWN has learned.

The welcome break comes as temperatures soar right across the country today with a spokessplitter confirming that there may be more day offs to come.

“Due to the lack of sun the last few months it has been balls to the wall stone splitting,” explained Chairman of the Stone Splitting Association, David Granite, “we provide a vital service to the country, because as everyone knows from the great stone splitting strike of ’89, if someone isn’t splitting the nation’s stones the country will end up overrun with the bloody things and no one wants that again, not after all those poor people suffocated from stones”.

Met Éireann had forecast a warm start to the week with sunny skies and high temperatures bringing joy and happiness which will make the imminent torrential rain all the more soul destroying.