‘Up The Dubs’, ‘COYBIG’ & Other Secret Military Codes

THANKS to in no-way unhinged American oddballs on the internet, Irish people have learned the true and shocking meaning behind US president Joe Biden uttering the phrase ‘Mayo for Sam’.

‘Sam’ = Surface to Air Missiles’ and so we all need to prepare for Cillian O’Connor’s attempt at nuking Kerry in Croke Park to go wide and land on the Kremlin, ushering in a nuclear apocalypse.

What other secret military codes does a US president use to communicate with Irish people and strike fear into the heart of Vladimir Putin?

‘The Red Army will win the Champions Cup’

What we think it means: Munster rugby fans remain delusional.

True meaning: The Red Army = the Russians. The Champions Cup = their ultimate demise via Peter O’Mahony’s heat seeking fists.

‘Jackie’s Army’

True meaning: Zombie Jackie Kennedy has amassed a secret army of zombie octogenarian US housewives with the sole purpose of taking over America and introducing socialism.

‘There won’t be a cow milked in [insert town] tonight’

True meaning: All key infrastructure and food provisions have been burned to the ground.

‘COYBIG’

True meaning: Come On You Boys In Green, isn’t it obvious? A secret team of super soldiers, muscular, angry and green with ripped shorts have been exposed to nuclear radiation and are ready to be dropped onto the battlefield.

‘Up the Dubs’

True meaning: An Obama-era favourite. ‘Dubs’ = drones. To ‘up the dubs’ is to get a drone airbourne and ready to interrupt a wedding in Afghanistan filled with innocent civilians.

‘Junior B’

True meaning: Hungover and out of shape Irish men of middling to complete-lack-of-talent are armed with hurls, ready to hit grenades at whatever central American dictator needs ousting or installing.

‘Keano-Keano-Keano’

True meaning: It’s over Vlad, Roy Keane has been deployed. No one survives his intense stares and verbal scoldings.