Biden Advises Getting The Groceries In Before Latest Cop Brutality Bodycam Footage Released


PRIOR to the release of bodycam footage which has seen five police officers charged with second degree murder, US President Joe Biden has appealed for calm, order, and failing that, preparation.

The five Memphis officers stand accused of the second degree murder of Tyre Nichols, a black man who died three days after a traffic stop in an incident the likes of which traditionally precedes mass peaceful protest, disorder, mayhem, and an occasional shortage of groceries in the immediate area.

“I appeal to all American citizens to remain calm, even when you see the bodycam footage which, even as these things go, is pretty freakin’ bad,” urged Biden in an address earlier today.

“Now I know a lot of you will go on your ‘defund the police’ protests and a lot of you will go on your ‘all lives matter’ shenanigans, and usually it doesn’t matter much what I say up here ahead of time. So to everyone else, maybe park your car up in a garage for a few days. Cancel any plans to meet friends in town. Keep the kids home from school. Make a big lasagna. Like, a really big lasagna, and section it out into lunchboxes and freeze it for the coming days, so you don’t have to go to the store or order out. Don’t get some poor Uber Eats guy into trouble because you don’t plan ahead”.

Biden went on to state that he hoped the fact that the five officers charged with the murder are also black had some sort of mitigating factor on the severity of the disruption, but he’s really grasping at straws here.