Applegreen Launch Reduced-To-Clear Pumps


THE Road Safety Authority has issued a nationwide traffic warning today urging motorists not to flock to their local Applegreen after the company launched a new reduced-to-clear pump causing a Black Friday type frenzy, WWN has learned.

Already stretched ambulance crews echoed the calls as injured people were scattered across forecourts following rioting and mass violence caused by people trying to beat each other to the pumps.

The soon-to-be out-of-date fuel was discounted by a staggering 50%, causing mass hysteria across the nation with droves of motorists speeding to avail of the rare offer.

Desperate customers are also being warned to stop trying to fill plastic bags with the cheap fuel, with one Applegreen employee recalling how one man had to be rugby tackled to the ground for failing to stop filling his pockets up with petroleum.

“He said he’ll wring his clothes out in the bath when he got home and handed me a soggy fifty euro note,” stated eyewitness and station supervisor Tadgh Teemy, staring into space in horror as his memory replayed the traumatic scenes.

Meanwhile, Transport Minister Eamon Ryan pointed out there will be none of this nonsense when electric car points are set up every 60km by the government and then sold to private companies who will end up charging motorists similar prices for electricity use.