Fact Check: Could You Be Arsed Like?

WWN’s fact check series aims to clarify, inform, educate and dispel the many myths and claims made online amid a sea of disinformation.

CLAIM: Despite it being a Monday you are well up for putting 100% effort into the day and the coming working week.

EVIDENCE: Judging by the fact you rolled out of bed with all the vim and vigour of an arthritic septuagenarian tortoise on Xanax the case for this claim could we weak.

Additional eye witness accounts of you necking your morning coffee like it was the elixir of life indicate you are as focused as a failed eye test.

The agonisingly close proximity to Christmas means you’re as likely to put in a hard day’s work as the writer’s of The Big Bang Theory.

With body language that suggests you’d take death row over a full working week, there is no reason to expect you aren’t anything other than more checked out than a hotel. Just going off your 18th yawn in the last hour, you give less of a shit than a gold medalist at the constipation Olympics.

As the majority of the minimum 40 hours working week are still left to complete, you appear to have less desire in you than a twice castrated eunuch.

Clocking in a desktop mouse speed slower than a rural internet connection with unread emails the height of a HSE waiting list all point to the possibility you’ll be as productive as the Dáil.

VERDICT: You are less arsed than a Nicki Minaj factory after a closing down sale.