Swallow Not Too Sure About This Bastard Flight To Africa


“SERIOUSLY, it’s hardly that fecking cold here during Winter, is it?” a local swallow and soon to be migrant told WWN today sitting on a telephone wire as it contemplated flying to South Africa, “like, six thousand miles is a mental distance when you think about it, and then have to fly back a few months later, and for what, to rebuild everything again?”

Citing global warming and milder Winters in Ireland, the swallow called for a flock-wide conversation on the traditional flight, the second and probably last of its short lifespan.

“I’m 2-years-old – in the twilight of my years – I think I’ll just chance staying here, ya know?” it twerped, dreading the journey and remembering the friends and family members that succumbed on previous migration trips along the way, “what lunatic started this madness anyway, surely we can just build a better nest, ride out the rain and storms, maybe add another year or two to my life, or better yet, stay in South Africa where it’s warm. I mean, what’s for us here anyway only a load of hardship”.

Now watching on as fellow swallows departed their favourite telephone wire, a fear of missing out soon overcame it.

“Yeah, the craic on the flight over will be great though,” it taunted itself, now realising it’s better the devil you know, “ah, sure look, if I make it back next year I’m definitely not fucking budging,” it promised itself before dismounting the wire and slapping headfirst into a double-decker bus.