World Informed They Can Have Amazonian Rainforest Or Cheap Hamburgers, Not Both


THE Brazilian department of tree-choppage has presented a number of graphs to the world showing both the rise in Amazonian deforestation and the rise in agricultural development, starkly showing the delicate balance between maintaining the ‘lungs of the world’ and maintaining the price of a double cheeseburger.

“Trees come down, agri land goes up, beef prices go down,” stated a spokesperson for Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro, who has presided over several policies that seem to favour the interests of agri lobbyists rather than the interests of people who breathe air.

Despite Bolsonaro’s claims that there’s ‘still plenty of rainforest for everyone’, a damning report shows that an area six times greater than Manhattan, (35 Brays), was felled in Brazil during the month of January alone.

This shocking revelation prompted pleas from the international community for the right-wing president to listen to ‘Earth Song’ by Michael Jackson, just once.

“It’d be one thing if they were chopping down trees to make way for some sort of solar energy farm, but they’re clearing the way for massive, methane-producing beef farms. You’re literally doubling the damage you’re doing,” pleaded one environmentalist, however, admitting that two sirloin steaks for 4 euro in his local multinational supermarket chain is a pretty sweet deal in fairness.