WWN Predictions For 2022

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Using a sophisticated news-prediction algorithm that is too complicated to explain here, Waterford Whispers News gives its predictions for the year ahead:

A once placid Irish public finally takes to the streets en masse to demand a truly representative democracy that responds to the needs of the people after one cafe had the gall to charge €4 for a flat white.

In good news for tenants, rent prices stagnate after a meteor wipes out Ireland in June.

Virgin Media TV announce yet another rebrand, this time to Sexually Active Media™.

The over 80s are given their 14th booster shot while the Irish army now use tranquiliser guns to jab the remaining unvaccinated before the Sigma variant has a chance to take hold in Ireland.

Requiring just €8bn in addtional additional funding, the Department of Health proudly announce one extra ICU bed. ‘Waiting lists’ are renamed ‘impatient ungrateful children who won’t just accept scoliosis lists’.

For the 11th straight year government TDs will sadly lament that X issue cannot be solved overnight.

Climate: A heavily pregnant data centre gives birth to centuplets while the first Irish people to drown as a direct result of rising sea levels are born in 2022.

Garth Brooks is brutally mauled to death onstage by a pack of Croke Park residents, elsewhere a stall owner selling pink cowboy hats becomes Ireland’s richest person overnight.

The EU rename the refugee crisis on its borders ‘the economic migrant crisis’, thus winning back public support for their ‘let them drown at sea’ policy.

Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael mark the 100th anniversary of the death of Michael Collins by being murdered in the opinion polls.

Martin Whelan’s moustache pens a tell-all memoir which rocks the Irish showbiz world.

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