Gap Is Closing: Here’s 5 More Places For White People To Buy Clothes


THE news that all Irish and UK branches of the Gap clothing are to close has come as a hard blow not only to the employees, but to the thousands of fashion-conscious-less, predominantly white middle-aged men and women who have filled their wardrobes with Gap jumpers and jeans for years.

But fear not, if you were worried that you may have to add some colour or energy or style into your clothing, we’ve got 5 places that can have you looking like you’re just about to attend a supermarket in no time!

1) Second-hand shops

Charity shops are a great place to pick up Gap-style clothing; in fact, you may even find a few Gap hoodies in there too. Bear in mind that these clothes are pre-owned, so they may be a bit looser and baggier and make you look like even more of a frump than brand new Gap clothing, if such a thing is possible.

2) TK Maxx

Although TK Maxx does offer some more stylish and fashionable choices, a good rummage through the rails will turn up some of last season’s most boot-cut jeans, ideal for wearing to pretty much any social occasion that a forty-something white dad of three might be attending.

3) Outdoor clothing stores

Don’t let their advertising fool you, just because these shops sell gear for mountaineering or hiking, doesn’t mean you have to actually do any of that. Pick up loads of comfy fleeces in a range of colours and set off on a hike of your own around your estate, where you can tut at the neighbour who doesn’t leave his bins out properly, or pass snide comments about how you paid full price for your house but the lady across the way with the four kids just got handed hers.

4) Gap online

Thank Christ! Gap’s online store will remain open, allowing you to pick up more of those nice shirts you like while also affording you the ability to ring the delivery company and complain about ‘the speed your man drove in here at’. White people clothing meets white people complaining – the perfect combination.

5) Wear what you have!

The beauty of Gap clothing is that it can never go out of style because it was never in style to begin with! So yes, you’re 100% correct; there is plenty of life left in that check shirt/jeans combo that you’ve been wearing for the last two years. Dad’s idea to buy five of the same polo shirts in different colours has worked out perfectly, and Mum has all the hoodies she needs to do the school run for an entire term. Disaster averted.