“Many Can’t See Over The Steering Wheel” Boy Racers Shrinking By 9% Year-On-Year

THE IRISH roads safety authority has warned young male drivers that if they shrink any further down below the steering wheel, they will not be able to see the road, WWN can confirm.

The warning comes as lowriding boy racers are reportedly shrinking by as much as 9% every year, with calls for compulsory booster seats to be implemented for those struggling to meet eyeline regulations.

“If they sink any lower in those bucket seats, we’ll have a national crisis on our hands with them crashing into everything,” an RSA statement read, “why they’re shrinking is anyone’s guess, or why anyone would want to appear so low in their car is beyond all comprehension. Hopefully, they’ll grow up soon”.

Rubbishing the calls, local boy racer Kevin Hunt explains the reasoning behind their driving stance, and why they choose to drive their cars while sitting so low to the ground.

“It’s for aerodynamic reasons and it makes it look like we’re going faster than we actually are when you’re so close to the road,” Hunt explains while demonstrating his low riding seating positions with one hand on the wheel, his shoulder hiding the driver’s side of his face, “I use my shoulder then to block anyone seeing my face. We do this to take the attention off our handsome faces, putting it all onto the 1.2 litre car itself and the loud sound it makes”.

Experts believe by making the car sound a lot faster than it can actually go, actually stops boy racers from breaking the speed limit and is in fact a good thing.

“Driving around the town four hundred times a night is far better than them acting the bollocks drunk on a street corner, so best leave them enjoy their shitty done up cars,” experts unanimously agreed.