Rupert Murdoch Getting Hang Of Shooting Lightning From Fingertips

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MEDIA mogul Rupert Murdoch is said to be making final preparations for his transition into the realm of the undead, and has kitted out his lavish Sydney mansion with a ceremonial sarcophagus said to be ‘fit for any sorcerer’.

The 90-year old multi-billionaire is said to be ‘looking forward’ to obtaining unnatural, unholy powers as he morphs from his life as a powerful tycoon into a more shadowy, ‘Mumm-Ra from Thundercats’ style existence, and has already begun practicing some of the dark arts to get a head-start on his new role.

“Looking good, Mr. Murdoch, looking good,” said a freelance necromancer, working with the Fox News magnate to help him summon a ball of supernatural lightning in the palm of his hands.

“Concentrate, that’s it. Now when you’re ready, just throw it, like you’d throw a ball. Okay, good effort, we’ll work on that. It might help you to picture someone as a target, it focusses the mind and strengthens the psychic energy. Let’s try again, only this time imagine that there’s a Democratic lobby group over there, or Greenpeace, or Ted Turner, or just a load of starving orphans or something like that”.

If successful in his studies, Murdoch will join an exclusive group of transmutated elites who rule the world from their subterranean catacombs, while enjoying eternal life as they continue to feast off the lifeblood of the earth, just as they did in life.

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