BREAKING: The Absolute United State Of America


FRESH REPORTS coming in from America suggest its previous state of divisiveness and disorder has been exceeded once again with the dawning on a new day, and now the absolute united state of America has reached record levels.

“Uniting together is such disarray would be in its own way strangely moving were it not for how it’s only likely to get worse before it gets much, much worse again,” observed one follower of America.

The ratings agency responsible for attributing ‘the absolute state of’ upon something or someone regularly meets in a Waterford cafe to pour over various world events is also known as informally as ‘the Dungarvan book club’, and have prescribed its most dire ‘state of that’ in recent memory.

“The state of the carry on over there. Honest to God, the absolute state of America altogether. I just switch off the TV whenever your man is on it,” confirmed Bernadette Cummings to WWN in an exclusive interview, referring to the intransient and intractable ideological spats between America’s political leader and everyone else.

Following president Donald Trump unveiling his official 2020 campaign pledge as ‘bringing back Jim Crow laws’ at a ceremony during which he cut the ribbon on a ‘white’s only’ drinking fountain in the White House’s Rose Garden, everyone with a working knowledge of American responded with a knowing nod to the news of the absolute united state of America.

“Oh boy, no matter where you look, it’s all kicking off,” shared one occasional viewer of America, who admitted the latest storylines pushed by the series writers are ‘profoundly depressing’, be it the main racism plotline, the recurring school shooting and child detention stories or the subplot involving underwhelming people attempting to become the Democratic candidate for president.