Report: US Tourists Still Lapping This Shit Up

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BREAKING NEWS coming into WWN has revealed that American tourists ‘still can’t enough of this shit’, this, according to the latest reports emerging from tourist hot spots across rural Ireland.

Be it Galway, Donegal, Mayo, Waterford, Wexford or Kerry, tourists hailing from America still lap up all the cliche Irish things we have to offer such as breathtaking unparalleled views, amazing people, awe-inspiring vistas and a specially laid on trad session that wouldn’t exist only for the fact these eejits with money are ferried in by the bus load.

“Yeah, they’re still lapping this shit up,” confirmed the Gap of Dunloe with a sigh of resignation. “I’m like mainlining heroin to these American pricks”.

Year on year tourist figures suggest that there may be no end to the steady stream of Americans as well as Germans, English, Japanese, Chinese and French who just ‘absolutely live for this shit’.

“Can’t get enough of me,” confirmed Sally’s Gap, the Cliffs of Moher, Mount Errigal and 3,000 other minor and major beauty spots throughout the country which can’t move for Americans with money.

“It’s like a scene from the Quiet Man vomited directly onto their eyeballs, they just instinctively throw money in my direction, the lunatics. I’m only a feckin’ hill like,” Croagh Patrick confirmed.

However, Tourism Ireland has admitted to growing fearful that obese, money fat Americans might not return after one successful visit so has added a number of exaggerations in brochures to entice them back.

“We fixed the roads” reads the cover of the latest brochure focused on the American market.

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