Adams’ Cookbook To Contain Cryptic Location Clues Of Missing IRA Victims

FORMER Sinn Féin leader Gerry Adams’ latest quirky book, aptly named The Negotiators’ Cook Book, is rumoured to contain hints as to the exact locations of several IRA victims known as The Disappeared, who were murdered and whose bodies remain undiscovered much to the continued heartache and dismay of their families.

Speaking through his beard at the Peile an Phobail event in Belfast last night, the 69-year-old revealed his new book will contain “some of the best-kept secrets of the Irish peace process”, giving families some hope as to finally knowing the whereabouts of their missing loved ones whose lives were cut short due to the paramilitary laws dictated by the then commander and his secretive peers.

“Not 2 long 2 christmas, a wee taste of a great stocking filler from ted & pádraic agus mise,” Adams teased on his Twitter safe haven, obviously referring to the time of year in 1972 when mother-of-ten Jean McConville was taken from her home, shot dead and buried on a beach in Louth.

The cookery book, published by Mr. Adams, Ted Howell and Padraic Wilson, who also have questionable pasts, is due to go on sale in all bad book shops in November, in the hopes of softening their images even further in the nation’s subconscious, while the bodies of Joe Lynsky, Columba McVeigh and Robert Nairac continue to remain unaccounted for.

“The book will make a good stocking filler for staunch Republicans too patriotic to look past the grim realities of urban warfare on an island too scared to question its own past,” Adams summarised, or at least should have.

Adams has yet to make clear if future cook books will include adorable tidbits about knowledge of the murder of prison guard Brian Stack or sexual abuse of minors by leading Republicans.

Meanwhile, people who eat food for a living have noted the absence of one key recipe in The Negotiators’ Cook Book – closure.