Day Ruined By Realisation Your Parents Masturbate


A RECENT study into the mindset of the average member of the public has revealed that 100% of people’s day is rendered completely and utterly ruined when it is pointed out that your parents have once and possibly continue to masturbate.

“Ugh, fuck sake, why would you say something like that,” was the overwhelming response from the public surveyed by a team of researchers into human behaviour at MIT. Despite the wave of disgust researchers maintain it is essential to study such reactions.

Sex drive and libido diminish in later life, but researchers maintain that you’re kidding yourself if you think your dad hasn’t been pulling on his lad and your mother hasn’t furiously flicked her bean in recent months, harrowing as this information is.

“So what, your dad jerks it, you mom is well acquainted with the shower head. Grow up. Everybody does it, however, we do concede that such realisations will obviously ruin your day,” head researcher at MIT Davis T. N’Gong shared with WWN.

While additional explorations into the methods of how your parents achieve ‘self-love’ orgasms have not been carried out, it is presumed the classic tugging, pulling, poking, prodding, massaging, flicking, fingering, squeezing, twisting and licking will have all played a part at some point.

“Look, we have to meet such discoveries with the sort of sober logic we afford other scientific studies. Just face facts, it’s Jizz Town, population your parents, along with everyone else,” added Mr. N’Gong.

Asked whether any related studies would expand to grandparents Mr. N’Gong remarked “uh, don’t be disgusting, oh great, now I’m going to get sick. Thanks”.