“Here’s Some Dolled Up Shit We Were Meant To Do Anyway”

THE Government have dolled up a series of plans that they were meant to implement anyway in a public relations style package designed to save face from a series of ongoing crisis plaguing the country.

The long-term planning and investment framework launched by the Government sets out a 23-year vision for certain parts the country which coincidentally contain currently elected TDs, while ignoring areas lacking such constituents.

“Here’s some dolled up shit we were meant to do anyway,” Taoiseach Leo Varadkar began the glitzy affair, which was held in Sligo for maximum effect, “Look at all these design plans we have set out until 2040, aren’t they great?

“These are things that would have to be done in the time period anyway as part of our job, but we’ve decided to dress it up and take the credit for everyone else’s hard work on the ground, so please get off our backs about the hospitals, the lack of poor people homes, the extortionate property prices we’ve helped create and those icky homeless people you saps keep chiming on about… cheers,” the Taoiseach added.

“Hopefully we have appeased the majority of the electorate enough so I can call an election, but yeah, you’re all welcome,” Varadkar concluded, before taking the microphone from the podium and dropping it on the ground with a thud, while being met with a manic applause from his cabinet”.

It is understood the latest set of greenlit plans are to be put right on top of the last set, including their previous five point plan which is now gathering dust on a stack of previous plans set out by previous governments.