Groundbreaking Surgery Removes Clingy Boyfriend From Girlfriend

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A GRUELING 11-hour marathon operation carried out by 5 leading surgeons in Dublin, Ireland, has seen the first ever successful removal of a clingy boyfriend or girlfriend from their partner.

Tim O’Leary (22), the clingy boyfriend in question, was removed from his girlfriend Jade Kilgallon earlier this morning with the surgery hailed as the next great step in the advancement of medical science and ingenuity.

“They said it couldn’t be done, but thanks to myself and my diligent team, Tim and Jade’s life and relationship has been transformed for the better,” Dr. Roger Lorman told to WWN.

As for the couple, they can now enjoy a life free of ‘where are you?’, ‘with who?’, ‘do we have to go? Can’t we just do something by ourselves?’ and ‘who are you texting?’

“Aw, already we can feel how much our lives have changed, we’re both so happy. Tim hasn’t once texted me ‘why haven’t you responded yet?’ to a text I haven’t had the chance to read yet. And his requests for cuddles are down about 20%. I enjoy my personal space and some solo chill out time, and that just wasn’t possible before. We’re beside ourselves with happiness,” Jade explained while at her boyfriend’s side in hospital as he recovered from the surgery.

It is believed that while this is the only successful de-clingification surgery to date, thousands of husbands, wives, girlfriends and boyfriends have signed their other halves up for the procedure, with waiting lists now extending well into 2034.

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