Overweight Man ‘Carries It Well’

A LOCAL man has been reassured by family and friends that his escalating weight is nothing to worry about, with the majority of his inner circle insisting that he ‘carries it well’.

Mark Rice, who works in IT, had reportedly commented on his excess 15 kilos last week to his wife Trisha, after weighing himself for the first time in three years.

“She said I was fine and that she loved me no matter what,” Rice told WWN, “It’s weird; when I look at my face in the mirror everyday I don’t even notice it, but when someone takes a picture or video of me when I’m not ready, I look like a pudgy fucking mess”.

“I bought a weighing scale last week and I found out I’m two stone overweight!” the fat bastard added.

However, when pointing out his “sudden” weight gain to other people, the grandson of four was repeatedly told that he ‘carried it well’.

“What the fuck does that even mean?” he persisted, now questioning everything except his diet, “carry it how? Like, who doesn’t carry it well? How is this even defined? I’ve no choice but to carry it – it’s fucking stuck to me!”

Obesity experts have since confirmed that being overweight by 5-15 kilos is the most common bracket where a person can be classed as ‘carrying it well, whereas being 20-50 kilos overweight is officially classed as ‘letting yourself go’.