Butter Wouldn’t Melt In This Man’s Mouth & Scientists Are Baffled


ENDLESS experiments leading only to dead ends. Reputations in tatters. Resignation after resignation. The curious case of Cork man Cormac Cronin continues to baffle the scientific community with an increasing number of leading scientists refusing to partake in further experiments, claiming the man is cursed.

“I heard one scientist went mad and ate nothing but butter for a month until he just up and died,” one researcher at MIT shared with WWN, but we were unable to verify such claims.

Cronin, a 37-year-old construction worker from Mallow, has become the subject of intense scientific debate these past 3 years with many beginning to resent him for his gift, or curse, depending which side of the debate you fall on.

“Look, this is just my mouth, same one I’ve had since I was born. I don’t know any different, and it’s not my fault either. I wish butter would melt in my mouth, but it doesn’t, okay,” Cronin told WWN, as he was poked and prodded by a team of medical experts.

A common sight for Cronin now, expert after expert streams into the room and scrunch their faces up in disbelief as he holds his mouth ajar as a slab of butter resting on his tongue and retains its original solid form.

“The melting temperature for butter is typically 32-35 degrees, Cormac’s mouth was found to be as warm as 37 degrees… and yet the butter simply does not melt, and we don’t have the answers,” explained Dr. Neville Franklin, a medical professional who has worked with Cronin for the last year as he tries to define just what is happening.

Cronin used to use the butter on his tongue as a party trick, but it’s been a long time since he’s been to a party.

“I’m locked into a research deal here for the next 12 months, I’ve been handsomely paid for the trouble, but it’s boring as hell,” Cronin admits.

WWN is ushered from the room by men in white coats as the latest intensive experiment is conducted. We watch through the window as a marshmallow is placed on Cronin’s tongue. The lab coated personnel observe, before loudly cursing in a variety of languages when the marshmallow begins to sink and lose its form in Cronin’s mouth, yet another dead end reached.