The Irish Government Just Solved The Nation’s Alcohol Problem With This One Genius Move


CREDIT where credit is due. Ireland spends over €3 billion a year on treating alcohol related problems in Ireland, and with that figure making up around 25% of the total budget of the HSE you can see why the government is so keen on finding a viable, long term solution.

With one genius move the government has defeated the scourge that is the misuse of alcohol, transforming Irish society with one simple stroke of the legislative pen. How did the brain boxes at Fine Gael and co. do it? By introducing a groundbreaking idea so ingenious it may at first appear like they’re just papering over a cavernous hole that was once a modest crack.

Introducing a minimum price for alcohol, an idea spearheaded by Minister for Health Simon Harris, will see myriad factors that lead to alcohol abuse evaporate and replaced with a utopian society free of relatively affordable alcohol. A minimum alcohol price will see all instances and opportunities to get drunk eradicated for the uncontrollable elements of society that don’t already pricey wine from Marks & Spencer.

“And the doubters said it couldn’t be done, and you know, they were dead right actually, but we’ve developed a real knack for sort of ignoring all that and going ahead and praising ourselves non stop,” confirmed a spokesperson for the Minister for Health.

Despite sniping cynics attempts to underplay the huge achievement, which just needs to be signed off by the Dáil, the extra tax revenue generated by the minimum pricing on alcohol will go directly to funding alcohol dependency treatment as well as providing a number of forward thinking initiatives with funding which will work to turn people away from thinking alcohol is the answer, as the spokesperson outlines:

“Oh God no, any revenue generated will probably go to a tax break for multinationals operating in Dublin. Come on lads, you know the drill by now, it’s all shite talk,” the spokesperson confirmed.