Gardaí Appeal For Public’s Help In Effort To Fire Garda Commissioner


REACHING out in an effort to ascertain some key information regarding ongoing cases, An Garda Síochána have appealed to the public for help in getting the current Garda Commissioner to vacate her position or be fired.

Speaking from the CrimeCall studios in order to receive the public’s help with several ongoing cases, gardaí sought help in identifying the culprit behind the theft of 20,000 mass cards from a mass card factory on the Naas Road, as well as searching for a cast iron case for termination of the current Garda Commissioner, Noirín O’Sullivan.

“Despite being caught on audio visual tape saying things which were later disproved and debated by other people, this person remains in place,” one guard said while aiming a pointer at an evidence board which was made up of photos from the 9,234 times Noirín O’Sullivan has been called before the Public Accounts Committee to explain away a deeply concerning scandal.

“This individual is still free to carry out their duties, roaming our streets. So we ask, if any member of the public has any more information to please ring the hotline,” a frustrated Garda said, addressing TV cameras.

A distraught witness was then brought forward by the gardaí to further appeal to the public.

“Ah c’mon like, this is all getting a bit fucking ridiculous. Isn’t it,” read one member of the public, Aine Farrington, from a prepared one line statement.

If any member of the public does indeed have any information regarding any of the cases highlighted by gardaí this morning, they are asked to ring 1850-DISMISS-THE-COMMISH.