5 Things Triggering Article 50 Might Also Trigger

NOW THAT British PM Theresa May has formally triggered Article 50 of the EU constitution, experts are speculating about what this trigger could trigger elsewhere.

WWN spoke with many leading European politics experts to gauge just what is in store for Europe and the wider world, who revealed the possible triggers triggered by the triggering of Article 50.

1) Milk

All diary supplies across the world will be triggered by a mild panic turning all milk stocks sour. Such is the magnitude of Article 50 and the implications of Britain leaving the EU, milk everywhere will suffer catastrophic levels of anxiety.

2) Triggering an end to all problems in Britain

As already evidenced by the wiping out of poverty, the end to food banks, and the return of jobs to areas in Britain where the EU had banned the British government creating jobs for good, local and white British people, everything is back to normal. Britain has also taken back India, Jamaica and Kenya and restored its glorious empire.

“Everything is fucking brilliant again,” PM May said seconds after signing the letter to trigger Article 50, and she wasn’t wrong.

3) Triggering Irish politicians to practice their ‘we’ve got this under control’ look

While openly weeping, hugging each other tightly and melting down anything valuable to sell online, the Irish political elite will engender confidence in the Irish public fearful that it was going to be a problem having its nearest neighbour and largest trading partner outside of the EU.

4) Triggering the value of triggers on the stock market

Triggers, for so long thought to be useful only to bomb makers and demolition men, have now become part and parcel of everyday life. Many people we spoke to revealed that proud Brexit voters have purchased triggers in their millions and use them in everyday life.

“No task, no matter how simple or complex, is no longer carried out without a trigger,” explained Brexit expert Hugh Horn, “putting the kettle on requires an official trigger, going to bed the same. Several trigger manufacturers are now worth more than Apple and Google combined thanks to Article 50”.

5) I’m scared

Ah c’mon now, settle down, I’m sure it will be fine. It’s not like there’s still no coherent plan in place some 9 months after the referendum.

EDITOR’S NOTE: an earlier version of this article alleged that Article 50 could trigger several ancient beasts, dwelling beneath the ground in Asia, out of hibernation. However, this is not true as Godzilla, Gamera, King Kong and Muto resurfaced some years ago.