Scottish Man Loses An Aye In Disturbing Attack


A TROUBLING late night assault in the Glasgow area of Scotland has left police perplexed, resulting in an international appeal to linguistic experts.

Alan McKay, a 33-year-old Glasgow native was jumped by an attacker on his way home from his local pub The Deep Fried Arms last night with A&E doctors later horrified to discover McKay had lost an aye.

“Cannae believe it, asked him if he were okay and when he responded with a ‘yes’ in a thick Glasgow accent we knew he needed urgent medical attention,” paramedic Sara Browne.

CCTV footage of the attack is in inconclusive and the perpetrator remains at large, but police believe McKay was struck with such force that it took just one punch to knock his aye clean from his vocal chord.

A series of follow up examinations by doctors, which involved asking questions that should only elicit an aye response further troubled both the police and medical professionals.

“What we’re dealing with here is a tragedy, everyone working on poor Alan’s case wants to restore his aye which is why I’m appealing to fancy word professors for help,” confirmed Sergeant Ken Bull in his appeal to linguistic professors around the world.

Asked was he looking forward to leaving hospital by WWN, McKay simply responded with ‘yes’.