Irish Property Prices Set To Increase By 30% By End Of This Headline


THE latest news emanating from the Irish property market suggests that due to a shortage of houses available, prices will have been driven up as much as 30% in the time it took you to read this article’s headline.

The government, prospective home owners and homeless charities all expressed their concern however, they declined to comment on the record for fear any lengthening of the article could see further price increases.

“I mean, depending on how long I ramble on about ‘current market factors’ and ‘confidence in the market’, or some shite like that, prices could be rising another 50-60% and I could probably rip you off a bit more,” explained local estate agent John Healy.

With increased demand for housing increasing and the lack of supply in the country by no means lacking, supply and demand may still be mentioned at least every three seconds by vested interest groups involved in the property sector, Healy suggested.

“Look, I just figured the longer this article goes on, the greater chance I have of buying a 171-reg Audi A5,” Healy added, while simultaneously telling a local Waterford couple that they should think about offering €30,000 over the asking price, just to show they are serious about a property which a specific and clearly stated price.

BREAKING: the government has broken its silence on the latest increase with minister for housing pleading with members of the public to resist from reading the above article’s headline.