Leaked Transcript From Trump’s Meeting With Kanye
THE World’s media was confused and fascinated in equal measure when president-elect Donald Trump met with rap superstar Kanye West in Trump Tower in New York yesterday.
His meeting came just hours after Trump announced Rex Tillerson as his Secretary for State courting an immense amount of controversy, which dissipated immediately after footage of West in Trump Tower first emerged.
Here, for the first time, WWN can provide the public with extracts from the transcript of their meeting, which was leaked to us by an anonymous source within Trump’s transition team.
(Loud audio of Nelly’s ‘Hot In Here’ playing in Trump’s office)
Trump: “Hi Kanye, you just caught me listening to some of your stuff. I’m a big fan, the biggest. Ask anyone, they’re all saying it”.
West: “Hi Mr. Trump, sorry President Trump, it’s a huge honour, I can’t wait to talk to you about all my ideas for America”.
Trump: “Kanye, I’ll stop you. I have all the best ideas, with respect. If it’s okay, I’ve just got to ‘chill’ as your people say, until the media starts talking about our meeting and not about Rex’s ties to Putin. And are you kidding me, it’s an honour for you? I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched your wife’s sex tape. She’s that rare 10 out of 10 even though she’s fat”.
West: “Imma stop you right there, Rex Tillerson, that’s some Bond villain ass name, isn’t it? That don’t cut it. You send me around the world Trump and I’ll change it, I just need someone to listen to my ideas… I want to build an elephant you can live inside, gimme some of that NASA funding for that. And hey, we say ‘thick’ not fat”.
(The meeting is interrupted by Trump aide)
Aide: “They’ve stopped talking about Rex. Buzzfeed, Salon, Washington Post, Daily Beast, they’re all talking about you and Kanye, sir”.
Trump: “That’s great, thank you. Did you hear that Kanye, they’re going for it bigly. They might even forget about Rex entirely. This is too easy, making America great again that is”.
Kanye: “I hear you, I made leather jogging pants great again and yet, the people, they deny me that. Listen to this for an idea – if you give me $1 billion I guarantee you I can record my next album on the moon, the acoustics would be dope”.
Trump: “I appreciate your enthusiasm, I have tremendous enthusiasm, but obviously as you know just like climate change, the moon itself was faked by the CIA. It’s not even up there Kanye”.
(Aide reenters the room)
Aide: “President Trump, it’s time”
Trump: “My team tells me we’re going to take a photo so we can be something called a ‘me-me’? This will really help me distract people from this Rex business, and so I can focus on proofreading my tweets for spelling mistakes”
Kanye: “Hold up, hold up, hold up, I got it! A submarine, but like, in the sky. Gimme money for that, I call it the air marine. But I haven’t figured out how you get the water up there yet, but that’s gonna be some next level Steve Jobs shit”
Trump: “You know Kanye, I’ll consider it. But could you do something for me first? When I tell people I can’t be racist because I have many, many blacks as friends, can I say you’re one of them?”
Kanye: “I’ve got so many ideas, I just need a facilitator. Mark Zuckerberg wouldn’t gimme the damn money. But I know you back people, you’re a businessman”.
Trump: “I am”
Kanye: “Ok, here me out… A light bulb that doesn’t light up a room, that does like the reverse, it makes the room dark…”
Trump: “You know, you’re fascinating Kanye, it’s true. I like you people, I do, believe. I’ve always said it, you people are the best. Let’s go take this picture so no one bothers talking about Rex, OK. Believe me, no one will be talking about him”.
(Audio cuts off)