Olympic Factfile: The Laser Radial

ANNALISE Murphy came agonisingly close to a medal in London four years ago, and heads into the laser radial event even more determined to land a place on the podium.

But for those new to the sport and keen to cheer on Ireland’s sporting finest, the question remains, just what is the laser radial?

It’s sailing, right?

Yes, it is sailing, but there’s a little more to it.

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It’s a singlehanded boat, with a shortened mast and reduced sailing area and the boat is also mounted with laser cannons which can kill opposing sailors from a distance as far away as 1,000 metres!

Aw, class

We know! Athletes competing in the laser radial are given secret NASA laser technology and are allowed fit their boats with devastating laser cannons which can slice someone in half or in some of the more awesome examples completely obliterate them into tiny pieces.

One time this guy stood up in his boat to celebrate after winning and the guy who finished second was so pissed off he just lasered yer man’s hand right the fuck off. He wasn’t happy about that one bit.

But wait, this sounds dangerous

Come on, this is the Olympics, not a sport’s day in Junior Infants. The athletes are well aware of the risks.

Was there something about how the water in Rio is a bit dirty?

Correct, athletes have been warned by medical professionals to treat the water in much the same cautious manner they would treat a nightclub toilet seat. Yes, it may have been wiped down. And yes, you can’t see anything that could you harm, but still whatever you do, do not come into contact with it with any part of your body.

Can Annalise do it?

The 2013 European Sailing Championship gold medalist will be hoping so, and a lack of Russian athletes in the field means that there will be no four-armed athletes, who are 9 foot tall taking the absolute piss.

You can see Annalise Murphy compete in the killer laser radial from 5pm today.