Large Increase In Women Talking To Themselves While Doing Make-Up


THE curious phenomenon of women providing a running commentary for nobody in particular as they apply their makeup is on the rise, according to a new survey.

The practice is now endemic among women of all ages, with many seemingly oblivious to the fact that they can’t start their daily make-up routine without saying “this is just a quick look I like to go for when I’m heading to work”.

Other phrases such as “here’s the best way to do an easy feline flick”, “here’s my June favourites” and “always remember to keep blending the socket line” get thrown into the mix, as the ladies in question beautify themselves at home or on the bus, much to the bemusement of fellow passengers.

“Why is this happening? Is this a thing now?” asked literally every man we spoke to.

“There’s women beside us muttering away as they put on their slap, rambling on about ‘their favourite brands’ and ‘how to seek out dupes’ or something. One girl at work had her whole make-up collection out on her desk the other day, going through it piece by piece describing everything out loud”.

Further research suggests that this “mascaraphroenia” or “contouritis” could have roots in online videos, and may be unremovable.