It’s The DWWNECRU (Daily WWN Euro Championships Round Up)


YESTERDAY’S matches were certainly action packed, with Wales, Switzerland and everybody who likes to see England suffer securing victories.

The 2pm kick off saw Switzerland beat 10-men Albania, and in what was a first for the European Championships two brothers, Granit and Taulant Xhaka faced off on opposite teams.

With Switzerland securing the victory Granit now automatically wins the respect and love of his parents with Albania’s Taulant relegated to the role of ‘the disappointment in the family’.

RTÉ’s Peter Collins caused quite the stir as he hosted coverage of the match, with many observant viewers noting that his eyebrows continued to grow throughout the broadcast, adding a total of five extra inches of hair to them throughout the 90 minutes.

In the 5pm kick off, a plucky Wales side triumphed over Slovakia who will be disappointed that they didn’t hang on for the draw. However, Slovakia are still the favourites for the title of team with the worst tattoos to ever grace a major sporting tournament.

Veteran pundit John Giles is currently averaging 12.7 mispronunciations of footballer’s names per minute of analysis, which is down by 12% on previous tournaments.

FAI chief John Delaney took time out from being the greatest football leader the game has ever seen to take in Paris’s world famous Louvre museum. Upon casting eyes on the Mona Lisa, Delaney is believed to have remarked “it is such a shame Da Vinci isn’t alive today because if he was, he wouldn’t have wasted his time painting that sour puss, he would have taken one look at my missus and said oh my god she is the most beautiful woman in the world, can I paint her and I’d say back off pal she’s spoken for”.

8pm saw the most anticipated match of the day take place with England taking on Russia. According to pundits on ITV, England’s first half display was the greatest gift to humanity since the invention of penicillin, despite the bright start England’s muscle memory ultimately kicked in as they reverted to doing what is now known as ‘an England’.

Vasili Berezutskiy’s late equaliser has already been voted the best comedy of 2016 by enthusiastic football fans, while Baddiel and Skinner have confirmed that they will go ahead with plans to record ’64, 68, 72, 76 and 80 years of hurt’ versions of their Three Lions football anthem.

Today’s action sees footballs being kicked by millionaires from Croatia, Turkey, Poland, Northern Ireland, Germany and Ukraine.

Irish eyes will be firmly trained on Poland’s clash with Northern Ireland, as many people consider what will be worse; having to listen to the Polish lad in work boast if they win or the lad from up North never shutting up if Michael O’Neill’s men cause an upset.

Finally, there was significant embarrassment for Irish football fans as Taoiseach Enda Kenny was captured on a mobile phone at the England match doing some awkward ‘air footballing’.