Government To Spend Extra €500 Million Tax Revenue On Scratch Cards


AN UNEXPECTED boost in tax revenue is set to be spent by the government on a large quantity of scratch cards, WWN has learned.

Scenes of celebration within the department of finance following the discovery that tax intake is €500 million ahead of target soon turned more sober when senior civil servants realised government ministers plans for the cash.

“Jaysus, did you know you can win €25,000 on some of these cards, I don’t need to know the odds with those kind of numbers,” minister for finance Michael Noonan said as he filled his shopping trolley full of All Cash and All Cash Gold scratch cards while racing through his local Tesco.

The endorphins released by the government cabinet after learning of the windfall have appeared to cloud their judgement with the decision reached to buy scratch cards after just 9 seconds of deliberations.

“The odds are like 100 to something or something but we can’t lose with €500 million chucked on the cards, can we?” Taoiseach Enda Kenny chimed in, while also filling a trolley full of scratch cards.

While experts maintain that the €500 million should be used to plug the holes in every section of public services or even spent on reducing national debt, it is believed all acting ministers have been called into Leinster House with instruction to bring 50 cents coins with them.

“The ridges on the 50 cent are great, but the wrist is falling off me,” concluded minister Simon Coveney, who has so far won €8 and 3 free scratch cards after scratching off over 4,000 All Cash Gold cards so far this morning.