Something Wrong With Local Man’s Weighing Scales, Surely
WATERFORD man Jim ‘Jimmy’ Deeley is thinking about fishing out the receipt for the set of weighing scales that he bought earlier in the month, as the readings they’re giving suggests that they must be surely malfunctioning.
Deeley purchased the digital scales from Argos before embarking on a long-threatened diet after friends, family and doctors advised him that his weight was becoming a serious issue.
The Dungarvan native has yet to change his diet or embark on any form of exercise regime, but has stuck to a strict routine of weighing himself every morning all the same. Perturbed that his weight has yet to fall (and on some mornings, appears to rise), the 27-year-old kebab enthusiast has surmised that maybe there’s a switch or something broken in the scale.
“I think I threw the receipt out, fuck it anyway,” said Deeley during a nine hour press conference with the assembled media.
“Otherwise, it’d be going back to the shop. There’s no other explanation for it; I should have lost about a stone by now. Maybe I’m moving the scales around on the bathroom floor too much? On the mat one day, on the tile the next? I’ll try and be more consistent in future”.
Deeley went on to state that his weight-loss regime would now also incorporate having a bowel movement before weighing himself.