Local Independent Candidate Expected To Poll Well Among Family, Friends

DUBLIN Mid-South candidate Robert Hastings has reason to smile today; latest opinion polls among his friends and family put the independent candidate leagues ahead of all other hopefuls in the upcoming general election.

Hastings, who put himself forward as a candidate following hours of thought, is said to be delighted with himself after learning that not only does his mam and his sisters intend to vote for him, but every single one of the lads he plays indoor soccer have pledged their support as well.

Currently sitting at a 100% satisfaction rate among the 18 close friends and relatives polled, Hastings is looking forward to what he believes will be a landslide victory and a guaranteed seat in Leinster House, justifying the dozens of euro he sank into his poster and print budget.

“We’re going to vote for him, surely” said Hastings’ sister Corina, undaunted by the political firepower of literally every other candidate.

“And anyone we talked to, they all said they’ll vote for him to. So in the word-of-mouth battle, we’re winning, easily. We haven’t done much by way of door-to-door campaigning, public meetings, radio appearances… but we have what counts – people looking us in the eye and saying ‘ah yeah, of course we’ll vote for him'”.

Although a large number of his friends and family aren’t actually registered to vote, Hastings has already begun to imagine himself being driven around in a brand new black Mercedes, putting everything down as an expense.