Pathetic Teenager Fails To Skull Naggin In One Go

REPORTS are coming into WWN headquarters describing a situation at a house party on Saturday night, where it is believed that one pathetic teenager was unable to down a naggin of raw spirits in one go.

The ability to “skull” large amounts of alcohol is essential to any Irish teenager who hopes to gain the acceptance of his or her peers, with only weaker drinkers requiring pauses between the start and finish of the bottle-draining process.

If rumours are to be believed, one Waterford teenager attempted to neck a 200ml bottle of vodka at a house party in Dungarvan only to have to stop halfway through due to a fit of coughing and spluttering.

The incident is said to have caused widespread laughter among the rest of the revellers present, and the mockery served as a warning to anyone who thinks they can attend a house party in Ireland and not binge-drink until losing consciousness.

“Our young people are under tremendous pressure to be as good at drinking as the rest of their friends,” said Michael Cahill, naggin expert.

“And the absolute minimum requirement is the ability to skull a naggin of spirits in one go. This helps the drinker to get as shit-faced as possible in one go, and numb them from subsequent dangers throughout the night. The only other option is to not get sucked into the drinking culture in the first place, and the very best of luck with that”.

At the time of printing, the shamed Dungarvan teen has announced that he is committed to drinking two whole naggins at the next party he attends, to get really drunk and win back the admiration of a bunch of people he barely knows.