WWN Guide To Talking About The Weather

IT’S a difficult subject for Irish people to excel at but WWN will endeavour to bestow upon you the tools needed in order to successfully converse on all things weather.

It is hard to know where to start with the weather so a good opener is to discuss the weather that has recently happened, is currently happening, or is scheduled to happen shortly.

“It is raining” is a strong addition to your weather-based vocabulary.

If it remains unclear to the person you are conversing with that you want to discuss the weather, then it is essential you add in a helpful gesture. Take your hand from your side and slowly raise it to point skywards at the clouds, and once it is raised nodding knowingly at it while making eye contact with the person will soon grease the conversational wheels.

Amateur weather enthusiasts will tell you to add on ‘fierce’ to whatever weather condition you are describing, and while ‘fierce’ isn’t the worst compliment to your word arsenal, there are bigger weapons to be used. “Fucking dreadful” is a robust phrase which will be useful 11 out of 12 months of the year.

What if someone is displaying superior weather chat? There’s only one thing for it, you must pour scorn on their weather knowledge by evoking far off and exotic lands as a way of taking them down a peg or two.

“It’s warmer here than it is in New York” is the Mona Lisa of weather centred asides, and will register intrigue, shock and excitement in your weather talk compatriot. Now that’s how you talk weather!

If you want to be taken seriously, learn off all your cloud formations.

More important than the weather itself is what the weather can say about your current state of being. Dark clouds over head can certainly be symbolic of your back ache you’ve been dying to talk about or. Whatever it is you want to talk about, can be viewed as a metaphor for how shit work is.

Make the weather work for you so that is a mere smokescreen for what you’re really trying to say. Slightly windy? “Sure the O’Brien girl who is after getting pregnant from a foreign lad will probably feel it more than most”. Classic weather talk.