Dublin Student Becomes First Person To Ever Hear Of Radiohead


THE mind of a UCD student was absolutely blown when he discovered the music of a band called Radiohead, which spoke to him more directly and clearly than anything else he had ever heard in his entire life.

Eoghan Campbell from Rathmines, currently in his first year of an arts degree, became aware of the band while surfing through music videos on YouTube. Upon hearing the song Street Spirit, he eagerly downloaded as many of the band’s albums as he could.

Campbell then decided to spend the rest of his teenage years oaring Radiohead into every conversation, using such phrases as “have you ever listened to Radiohead”, and “that reminds me of a Radiohead song”.

Believing himself to be the only person in the world who fully appreciates the cryptic meanings hidden in the lyrics of the band’s massively successful back-catalogue, Campbell has also promised himself that whenever he can scoff at anyone who isn’t familiar with the band’s entire work, he will.

“How can you not have heard of Radiohead?” said Campbell to himself in the mirror, as he practiced a conversation with a real live person.

“They’re only like, the best band of all time. Maybe you’re more into all that mainstream, manufactured kind of music… if you ever want to hear real musicians, I can totally sort you out”.

With his conversation now perfected, Campbell believes he’s more than ready to be condescending at every party for the next four years.