Tesco Bosses Collect Euro Coins From Stray Trolleys In Attempt To Curb Losses

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FOLLOWING an announcement from Tesco that they were about to post groundbreaking losses for the past financial year, bosses at the retail giants have sent staff out into the car-parks surrounding their stores to see if they could gather the odd euro or two out of abandoned trolleys.

The company today posted an eye-watering €8.3billion pre-tax loss, after 12 months of falling property prices combined with a downturn in consumer activity in its 27,000 stores across Britain and Ireland.

In a bid to save face, chiefs at the stricken retailers have implemented a range of money saving measures, including the abolition of the Reduced to Clear section, wrong-changing people at the self service checkout, and making frequent checks of the car-parks to see if anyone had change left in their trolley.

“You’d be surprised how many people don’t bother to return their trolley, and get their euro back, ” said Eamon Shelton, managing director of Tesco Ireland as he raced to beat a 10 year old child to an abandoned trolley at a branch in north county Dublin.

“I’ve collected nearly a tenner since this morning, and that’s just in one branch! If we keep this up, we should be able to chip away at that massive figure in the loss column, at least until we can convince someone in government that we’re too big to fail and need a bailout”.

While efforts are underway to collect as much spare change from trolleys as possible, a super-injunction has been put in place to prevent newspapers from using the headline “Every Little Helps”, or any variation there upon.

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