Hated Primary School Headmaster Somehow Still Fucking Alive

A CARLOW man who has been living in Dublin for the past 15 years has expressed amazement during a visit to his hometown, upon discovering that the prick headmaster of his old primary school is somehow still alive.

John Harkin, 35, was visiting his parents in Tullow when he spotted Mr. Murtagh, the hated former headmaster of St. Alphonsus National School, just walking around town.

At first taken aback due to the fact that he though the despised teacher was long dead, Harkin went on to express amazement as to how a man who was already fucking ancient when he was teaching could possibly still be alive 25 years later.

“I was like, you have to be kidding me, ” said Harkin, who remembers all too well the times when Mr. Murtagh would yell at him for talking in class or jumping the fence into the field next door to retrieve a ball.

“Mr. Murtagh had to be at least 80 when he was teaching us, and he’d batter the shite out of us because he was a total arsehole. I left primary school in 1989, so how the fuck is he still walking around without a bother on him? I’d have thought he’d be well dead by now”.

Harkin, who now lives with his wife and children in Clondalkin, was later informed by his Mam that not only is Headmaster Murtagh alive, but he’s in great health and will probably live for another ten years.

It is believed that the teacher, who retired in 1996, is availing of a rule which states that teachers can receive up to 20 extra years of life if they were total pricks and are still to this day hated by their former pupils.