Annual Death Toll At Tesco ‘Reduced To Clear’ Section Rises To 17


GARDAI have appealed to the public to exercise caution and restraint when browsing the “Reduced To Clear” section in Tesco, after an incident this morning at a Dublin branch pushed the annual death toll to 17.

The Reduced To Clear Section has been an accident black spot for several years now, with customers receiving life-threatening injuries on a daily basis as they browse the small shelving area for a range of heavily discounted short-dated products, including Petits Filous, mince, and Zugos microwaveable paninis.

Roberta Clemmins, 36, was admitted to Beaumont Hospital suffering from severe injuries following a rush on the Reduced To Clear Section of a Tesco Express in Fairview, and was pronounced dead shortly after.

The daughter of two had been lurking around the reduced section while members of Tesco staff stacked the shelves with products nearing their sell-by-date.

Making her move immediately, eyewitnesses reported that Ms. Clemmins failed to check her blind spots and was wiped out by a stampede of old women and students.

Appealing to the public, Garda Bill Dunne of the Tesco Reduced To Clear Section Safety Authority warned of the dangers of discount shopping with the retail giant.

“This morning’s incident pushes the death toll at Reduced To Clear Sections to 17, the highest in four years,” said Garda Dunne, speaking to press outside the Tesco Express, where mourners have begun to pay their respects using the self-help checkout.

“We would appeal to shoppers to consider their safety and the safety of others when approaching Reduced To Clear Sections, and ask themselves whether or not their lives are worth a prawn salad for 74c”.