Irish Water Christmas Party Promises To Be Mad Craic Altogether


DESPITE damning reports that over a million people have yet to return their completed forms, registering themselves as customers, Irish Water are to press ahead with plans for a Christmas party which promises to be “mad craic altogether”.

Event planners working for the beleaguered semi-state company are hoping that a kick-ass Yuletide shindig will help raise motivation amongst the Irish Water staff, many of whom have expressed exasperation at having to fend off the same complaints from would-be customers all day, every day.

To take their minds off the fact that anti-water charge protests are growing in both number and anger on a weekly basis, Irish Water staff will enjoy a five-course meal followed by entertainment by none other than the 3 remaining members of S Club 7, who now perform as S Club 3.

The trio will perform their chart-topping hits while popular magician Stupendous Seamus will go from table to table, entertaining everyone with card tricks and close-up illusions that are bound to both astound and amaze.

With Irish Water facing scandal after scandal, senior accountant and designated part planner Sheila Foran spoke to WWN, and told us that she remains enthusiastic that the Christmas party will be great fun for all employees.

“It’s going to be just a hell of a night out,” said Foran, who is up to her eyes right now with people who haven’t RSVP’d yet.

“I’m just putting the finishing touches to the table planning now, making sure all the call centre staff are together so they can get drunk and share hilarious stories about having to listen to furious customers all day, and putting all the water-meter fitters at their own table, complete with a ring of Gardaí around them”.

“The lads have gotten quite close to the cops during installation protests over the past few months, and asked if they could bring them along”.

The Irish Water Christmas party takes place on Saturday 6th December, and is paid for by a special party fund, which was put in place during the €180 million state financed set-up of the company.