Culchie Kid To Pretend He’s Interested In Farming This Week



“Níl sé an seo” were the words echoed in hundreds of primary school corridors this week following the mass exodus of culchie pupils making their way to the National Ploughing Championships in Laois.

Farmer’s son Paedar Ryan was no exception as he took off with his dad, Paddy, in their 1995 Massey Ferguson Tractor.

“Sure japers, he’ll learn more this week than he ever will in school,” insisted Mr. Ryan, who was up since 2am this morning milking the chickens. “D’youngfla loves the ploughing matches. Wait ’til he sees all the tractors and trailers up here. We should be up there in another seven hours”.

Leaving at 6am, eight year old Paedar was both excited yet dubious about not attending school today.

“Daddy said he’ll write me a note for the teacher. I hope Ms. Clancy won’t mind if I miss our maths test today,” he worried, while trying to hold on for his dear life in the bumpy farming machine, which had forty cars in its rear-view mirrors. “Last year was boring, but at least it’s a day off from school”.

The father and son team, traveling almost at the speed of shite, are expected to arrive at 1pm, where they will tour the vast array of stalls and machinery displays the festival has to offer.

“The old trashing machines are my favourite,” voiced father Paddy Ryan to his son, who’s entire body was now numb from being shaken. “I remember my dad used to take me up here every year, and you’ll probably do the same with your children,” he added emotionally.

“Not if I can fucking help it,” thought Paedar to himself, now wishing he went to school instead.