100% Of Liars Would Return To Work After Winning Lotto, Says Report

A NEW study from the National Lottery has shown that 100% of pathological liars would return to their day job after a multi-million euro win. The report comes following Ireland’s third biggest lottery win, when a ticket sold in Dublin reaped an €86 million reward for one lucky person.

The survey took place yesterday, and involved 100 people with a history of being lying bastards answering questions about what they would do following a life-changing windfall. Without exception, all subjects answered that they would continue with their day job, as well as making assurances that the money “would not change them”.

“We got that response a lot from total liars,” said Martin O’Brien, spokesperson for the National Lottery.

“Basically, there’s like five stock phrases that people use when fantasizing about their life after a large win; ‘I’d buy my Mam a house’, ‘wouldn’t it be great to live off the interest’, ‘I’d just like enough to cover the mortgage’, ‘it wouldn’t change me’, and of course, ‘I’d still keep my day job’. Investigating the people who make these claims reveals that most of them are talking out of their holes”.

With test subjects ranging from office workers to bin men, all of which claimed they would continue working jobs they hate after becoming millionaires, WWN questioned O’Brien as to why people feel they should lie about what they would do with their lottery money.

“It’s a very Irish thing, I think,” said O’Brien, who admitted he would quit his job an hour after verifying a Lotto win.

“Irish people don’t want to let slip what they would actually do with such an enormous amount of money, so it’s easiest to just say that they’d keep doing what they’re doing. In reality, they’d probably lose the run of themselves in a matter of days. In truthful moments, some have admitted that the first thing they would do is have someone killed”.

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