Parents To Allow Youngest Child Do Whatever The Fuck He Likes



Siblings Conor (18), Mary (19) and Cillian (14) from Navan are still coming to terms with the contents of a statement issued by their parents, Martin and Nuala Filan at the dinner table yesterday evening.

A specially convened press conference saw the parents of four children definitively state that they would now be allowing their youngest child, Sean (8), do ‘whatever the fuck he likes’.

Despite several inquiring questions from the children in attendance Martin and Nuala would not be moved to change their mind in regards to letting Sean run riot.

“I don’t think you realise the effort it takes to get you fuckers to complete the most basic tasks,” explained Martin, “we thought it best with Sean – just not to bother. Homework, state of his bedroom, general behaviour in public are all things we voluntarily relinquish control of as of today”.

Oldest sibling Mary tried to remind her parents of a legal agreement drafted shortly after her 10th birthday, which required her to help out around the house and behave well in order to secure her weekly pocket money payment.

“I’m not sure, but I think we can take them to court,” Mary exclusively told WWN while in the background, Sean began to place mash potatoes from his dinner this evening into a pair of Conor’s shoes.

“This is nothing short of madness, like, what about our human rights? We’ve had to be on our best behaviour in public for years,” an emotional Cillian pleaded.

“Some may say we’re bad parents, but we’ve been trialling this stance with Sean for a while and it’s worked wonders,” Nuala explained to WWN, “he usually tires himself out during the day, and by about 7pm after he’s done throwing his faeces against Mary’s bedroom door he just falls asleep. Just in time to get Eastenders and Corrie watched”.

The three older siblings spent the remainder of the evening, insisting the new approach to parenting was ‘unfair’ in increasingly high pitched squeals but the Filan parents insisted they were not playing favourites.

“Oh Jesus no, we like Sean about as much as the rest of them, which isn’t much at all,” Martin told WWN, “but other than him nearly burning down the house, letting Sean act the maniac has been the best thing to happen to us in 20 years as parents,” he concluded.

It is believed a legal challenge to the change in parenting policy will be lodged in the family courts in the coming days by the three older siblings.