Use Of Air Quotes Still The Easiest Way To Spot If Someone’s A Prick
THE EXPERIMENTAL field of prickology has yielded some interesting results thanks to the conclusion of the latest study by the Institute of Studies, WWN can exclusively reveal.
After closely observing unbearable pricks in their natural habitats lead researchers discovered the common thread running through their behaviour was the shameless use of air quotes.
“It has become clear the easiest way to identify and subsequently avoid absolute pricks is through observing their interaction with other people,” shared head researcher Don Juan Ricardo Ramires Sanchez Altoban.
“We discovered that all research subjects who were quite clearly unbearable pricks used air quotes as many as 3 times per sentence. Three researchers actually quit due to the rise in uncontrollable anger and frustration at having to observe such prickish behaviour,” Ramires Sanchez Altoban concluded.
One study subject who was completely unaware he was a prick was Dubliner Martin Lennon. “Well, I’m ‘sorry’ for not realising I’m a ‘prick’ for using air quotes. I’m obviously ‘devastated’, it’s a ‘vital’ study, though,” concluded the smug bastard.
Other behavioural ticks and so-called tells belonging to pricks include the over enunciation of foreign words they have no grasp of, pretending to like Radiohead, actually liking Coldplay, being called Roger, Breffni or Freya and forcing people into watching TV and films they like.
The study also revealed that many pricks place air quote, emphasis on the wrong word thus rendering their use meaningless, while others have suffered significant nerve and joint damage from repeated air quoting.
“My fingers fused like this in 2004 from over use so I’m left looking like the biggest prick that ever thought to subvert discourse with sarcastic commentary,” shared distraught perma-prick Roger Shore, “I honestly can’t tell when I’m being sarcastic or smart myself as my fingers just confuse the hell out of me.”
If you have been affected directly or indirectly by a prick and need ‘help’ please contact Air Quote Anonymous on 1850 715 815.