Big Macs Safe To Eat Today Due To Low Meat Content


CATHOLICS adhering to the fasting and abstinence rules of Good Friday were issued a reprieve today, after the Vatican issued a statement declaring that McDonalds burgers were still on the menu due to their low meat content.

“We listen to the prayers and opinions of our flock every year” said Spanish cleric Monsignor ‘Special’ Francis Xavier as he read out the declaration.

“And while the Pope stands firm on the rules of abstinence from meat on this day he has agreed to ease up and allow people have a Mickie D’s today, given that they contain levels of actual beef ranging from trace to sweet fuck all”.

The report comes at a time when many Catholics were preparing to make do with tuna sandwiches at lunchtime and maybe a plain cheese pizza or something for their tea, and has been welcomed by everyone except executives at Donegal Catch.

Speaking to WWN, press-ganged Catholic teenager Sean Kearns spoke of his honest delight at the announcement.

“I’m delighted, to be honest” said Sean as he ordered 5 single hamburgers off the Eurosaver menu.

“My ma does gives me a fuckin earfull if I have burgers or chicken on Good Friday, despite the fact that I haven’t been to mass in years. At least now she can’t give out to me, and I can get a fivers worth of cheap scran for lunch instead of a Calvita sandwich”.

The move by the church is the latest in a series of changes designed to soften the strict rules of Catholic life, following last years announcement that Budweiser was alright to drink on Good Friday as it technically couldn’t be called beer.