‘Assad Is Only Pissed Because He Can’t Grow A Proper Ronnie’ Claims Inner City Dublin Youth



AN INNER city Dublin teenager claimed today that Syrian president Bashar al-Assad’s recent mood has been down to him not being able to grow a proper moustache.

Damo Phealan, of east wall,  made the comments shortly after 3pm on a local bus into town earlier.

“The shtate of his ronnie!” said Phealan, to a fellow passenger at the time. “Sure no wonder his bleedin’ pissed.

“I bet all the other lads do be laughin’ at him an’ all.”

The 17-year-old school leaver, who also wears a moustache on his face, put the ill growth down to low ‘hornymones’.

“He probably shaves the rest of his face with a sponge.” he added.

“Me eleven year old sister has more hair on her lip than he does!”

An Assad spokesman later denied the Syrian leader was lacking in maleness, stating that the inner city Dublin teen had no basis for such accusations.

“Mr. Assad is a happily married, functioning male with children and should not be chastised for his facial hair.” he said. “His moustache is grey, and that’s why it looks weird.”

Supporters of the Assad regime have called on hair product company Just for men to launch its facial hair range in Syria as soon as possible.