US Firm To Create Fuck All Jobs In Waterford Over Next Five Years

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Waterford Dole Queue Can Sometimes Span For 3 Miles

A WORLD-leading electronics manufacturer is to create fuck all jobs in Waterford over the next five years, it announced today.

The company, which is based in Atlanta, already employs over 5,000 people and is anticipated to quadruple in size by 2017, but will never expand its factory operations to Waterford, ever.

The company’s Chief Operations Officer, Mark Lawson, said Waterford would be the last place on his list of potential locations due to its high rent and poor amenities.

“Why in the name of God would any company want to relocate to Waterford?” he asked.

“Expensive, tacky and ridiculous living standards.  I hear the only time the city is busy is when people have to sign-on for their welfare cheques”.

The announcement comes less than a week after a British property company backed out of an investment into the cities many derelict buildings, stating it would be safer investing its money into a nuclear mutant theme park in Fukushima, Japan.

Waterford currently boasts one of the highest rates of unemployment in the country at 30%.

Local young fella Thomas Rouche welcomed todays move stating that factory work was ‘shit anyway’ and that the company would be probably only paying minimum wage.

“That kind of work is only for dopes!

“What’s the point  in working for naughtin’ when you can get paid for doin’ naughtin’ eh? The towns fucked anyway so tis.”

Waterford Independent TD John Halligan called the companies announcement cruel and proposed to the Dáil a possible ‘immigrant grant’ of €5,000 for Waterford’s unemployed people to get up sticks and move the hell out of the country.

“All we can do now is give people a few thousand quid so they can feck off  out of here.”

“Whats better? Giving them tweleve thousand a year on benefits or actually doing them a favour and giving them a fresh start abroad with five?”

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