“We Just Couldn’t Be Arsed Anymore” Admits Government


THE Irish Government admitted at a press conference in Dublin today that it ‘just couldn’t be arsed’ trying to negotiate EU bail out terms  or even running the country anymore.

Taoiseach Enda Kenny, who was joined by finance minister Michael Noonan, told journalists in Government buildings that neither Fine Gael or the Labour party are going to continue pretending that they care about their roles in Dáil Eireann.

“This politics thing is just doing our heads in at the moment and we’ve decided to take the rest of the week off.” said Mr. Kenny.

Sources claim that confidence within government circles spiralled  last Thursday when the finance minister failed to persuade his counterparts in Berlin to reduce the cost of rescuing the Irish banks.

“We spent thousands sending poor Mick over to Merkel on a plane – and for what? To be told to do a little jig while she plays the tin whistle?” asked the Taoiseach.

Mr. Noonan admitted he ‘hadn’t a hope’ of convincing the German Chancellor into renegotiating the interest rates on the bail out money: “Every time I tried to say something she would put her fingers in her ears and say ‘Ich kan’t hear you’ while her colleagues laughed at me in a very German tone.'”

In her annual post-summer press conference, the apparent leader of the EU, IMF and everything else said she saw no need for changes to Ireland’s bailout programme and advised its politicians to wait until further instructions are given for Budget 2012.

Mr Noonan concluded that the government will reconvene in November, when the Empress calls.