Dáil Resumes Never Ending Argument Over Speaking Rights

KEEN TO get on with the business of not getting on with any business, an exhausted Dáil convened again yesterday after a St Patrick’s Day recess for what was a punishing 17th time since the November 29th general election last year.

“Accusations that we’ve done nothing as a government couldn’t be further from the truth, sure didn’t we pass a law to increase the number of junior ministers!” defended the government as it waved to its partner in government convicted criminal Micheal Lowry, who was sitting in the opposition benches for some reason.

To put the time the Dáil has been non-functional into context, there are children born in November 2024 who have lived through one St Patrick’s Day, Grammys and Oscars, a brief Gaza ceasefire, Teslas self-immolating, and still not witnessed a Dáil doing what it is elected to do.

However, this atrophied and inhibited Dáil is being defended by some TDs.

“But I raised my voice and shouted a lot so you can’t blame me, sure I’m getting nothing done but listen to how loud and angry I am,” said one TD. A sentiment echoed by the Taoiseach.

“And actually, this is all the opposition’s fault for not letting us steal their speaking time to give to the independents TDs that are in the government with us. And to top that, they didn’t even say well done when I licked Trump’s hole in the Oval Office and laughed about the housing crisis,” explained Micheál Martin, outlining how unreasonable everyone was being.

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